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Let's spend 2012 de-feathering your nest. You’ve got quite a bush.
Hey hot stuff. I’d love to show you the new stretch marks I acquired this holiday season.
My New Year's resolution is to stop using your kitchen scissors to trim my pubes.
If your New Year's resolution was to avoid me at social functions, it would make my New Year's resolution much easier.
Congratulations on making it through new years without causing harm to yourself or others. I know how hard this must have been for you.
This year I resolve to avoid your family all year round, not just at holidays and funerals.
My New Year's resolution is to start telling you when you’re talking too loud. You're talking too loud.
This year, I resolve to stop shrinking your clothes to make you feel badly about yourself.
2012 is the year I vow to make an honest woman out of you. I'm happy to pay for that operation cuz you’re not fooling anyone with that drag getup.
My new years resolution is to stop thinking about other stuff while having sex with you.
Happy Holidays