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header imageFourth Of July

Choose a card below to send secretly, or pick a different category above!
This Fourth of July, the fireworks display will be in my pants.You’re invited.
I’d like to tea-bag you at a Tea Party. Happy Fourth of July!
Celebrating our nation’s birth reminds me that I’ve been meaning to tell you you’re adopted.
This Fourth of July, I think I’d like to work for the TSA just so I could give you a hand job in public. Have a great vacation!
When the Founding Fathers wrote about “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” I’m sure they had your athletic masturbation habits in mind. Congratulations...
Sometimes when I’m having sex with you and I want to finish, I think about the Founding Fathers taking a loofa to their stretch marks. Happy Fourth of July!!!
Your fashion choices are giving off a strong “Muammar Gaddafi” vibe right now. This Fourth of July, consider removing at least one accessory.
I’ve never been more proud to be an American than when you’re doing me from behind. Happy Fourth!
Here's to not being Canadian! Happy Fourth of July.
Awkward is
as awkward does.
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