Consequently, I think this video was narrated by Romy,  from "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion."

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via http://blog.spreadingsantorum.com/

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IT PAYS FOR ITSELF. via Colossal. Designed by Kest Schwartzman of Vagabond Jewelry.

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Making resolutions is hard. I can’t actually commit to following through on any of this, but here’s a list of things I will definitely try not to do in the coming year:

 

Pick my feet and then touch my computer.


Force everyone to listen to that Jordin Sparks/ Chris Brown song at parties because its actually so good and powerful even if it is in poor taste.

 

Get drunk/be sober and tell men I’m trying to sleep with about my gastro-intestinal problems. 

 

Give in to the urge to become a total shut in and wear maxi-dresses and go tanning all the time and eat the dog food the state has already sent me to feed my service dog. what?

 

Believe every man I meet is the future ex Mr. Juliette Cohen and, therefore, give myself carte blanche to be really open about all of my gastro-intestinal problems because they’re going to love me for me. Shits n'all. Right?

 

 

Actually return my netflix in a timely manner so that I can get caught up on “Agatha Christie’s Marple.” (possibly the diamond in the ruff of internet TV. I'm serious. Why does nobody watch this?)

 

Try not to get a venereal disease—the older I get, the more I’m convinced that getting warts is an occupational inevitability.

 

Try not to start sentences with “The older I get…”

 

Be ashamed of the tard tingles I feel whilst listening to “What I Did For Love” from “A Chorus Line.” Its ok. We all have our things.

 

Buy two puppies and a kitten—I want this more than I want anything in the world. Its like staring into the sun. I don’t think I’m ready but maybe I need to read some Joseph Campbell and just deal with it.

 

Try not to make lists that are the emotional equivalent to a Cathy cartoon.

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